Bad Matt

Well, that's me 6 days behind in my "photo a day" thing including today.  Furthermore it isn't the first time I've fallen behind - the big burps of photos might have given that away, after all, when am I far from a computer?  I really have got a problem with attention span.  I'm the sort of person who makes lunch the night before (oh, how organised) and then forgets to grab it from the fridge before leaving for work.  Like today then :(

Lately I have been finding myself a little ill at ease with myself, a bit fed up, a bit demotivated and a bit lethargic.  Only a bit.  Not enough to lump it all under "stress" and take 3 months off work, but just a little gnawing feeling.  I think I just need to get back to a state of being comfortable in my own skin.  I'm a terrible one for editing what gets out into the world, in any interaction you can see me chewing words over in my head before I say them as I sift through the possible outcomes of what I'm about to say.  Now there's nothing wrong with being a bit measured in one's approach to life and using words sparingly and appropriately but it seems that I spend so long mulling it over that the real me is buried somewhere in the middle of a convoluted flow chart in my head.  I've got to realise that I can't control everything.  If you don't share something of yourself then can anyone truly know you as a person?  I can understand being like this with strangers, or people on the outskirts of your social circle - but with your friends, family and - most important of all - one's significant other?  That's out of order and it needs sorted.  It's been going on so long now that I'm losing sight of my understanding of "the real me".  The worst part is that I'm not so sure that I even like the stuff that does escape the inner vault.  I guess that makes me a crap editor as well as a dubious friend, an errant son and a rotten husband.

I'm hoping that typing that out is a springboard from which to start diving into conversations and letting the important people back into my life - properly.

Getting back to the original point (before I hijacked it) there's no excuse other than laziness with a side order of lack of motivation for this lapse in photographic service.  It's not as if I've been rushed off my feet from when I get up in the morning to when I go to bed at night.  I guess I've got some catching up to do, but to be honest I don't know if I'm going to bother.  I'll know by the end of today.